untitled by Fernando Farfán on Flickr.

“That’s the problem with putting others first; you’ve taught them you come second.”

read that, again. 

things I need to beat into my brain

This semester is going to be the death of me.



Rape is the only crime on the books for which arguing that the temptation to commit it was too clear and obvious to resist is treated as a defense. For every other crime, we call that a confession.

I’ve gotten more angry asks about this post than I have actual reblogs.

   Do you think its possible to love someone for the rest of your life time?

Sure, I think it’s possible. But the idea that you will love someone the same way with the same intensity for the rest of your life is pretty ridiculous. And I think that’s where we all get a little confused. Either we become too invested in an unrealistic concept, or consider love with cynicism and derision. Of course the idea of falling madly, passionately in love with someone forever is nice; the stuff of fantasies — and even I’ll admit to fantasising. But it’s just not sustainable. Love isn’t static. It’s fluid and fluctuates, it has to change as we grow as people.

To that extent, to love someone your whole life — be it friendship, familial, romantic — you have to grow with that person. Hardly impossible. It’ll be dependent on many combinations of things: honesty, respect, trust, mutual attraction, values, beliefs, actions, etc. The right person will compliment you (as cliché as it sounds); the people you are meant to part with will hold conflicting and incompatible values and beliefs (these are generally known as red flags and warning signs — for the love of all that is holy pay attention to them!). Then the rest of your life will just happen. At that point, time won’t matter. 

How long shouldn’t be the defining characteristic of a healthy relationship. I’m sure there are many wonderful loves that last a lifetime. But equally, I want to point out that there are many that last only a while. And does loving someone forever mean always being with them? That it is a possibility does not mean it is the be-all-end-all, only right way to love. I think an unsuccessful relationship, where love dies away (or explodes in a hate-filled apocalypse), is something we too often consider a failure; something to be guilty for. "How could I have have stopped this from ending? What went wrong?" This is wrong. All the time we ask people how long they have been together, as if it tells us anything real about their relationship, or how much they love and respect each other.

"Is it possible to love someone for the rest of your lifetime?" assumes that length of time makes love more. Does that mean people who love each other for sixty years have something greater than people who love for one? Is the love of people who merely happen to live longer worth more? When you love someone genuinely, that you loved them till the day you died becomes immaterial. What matters is that you loved each other as best you could.


Scott Hotaling

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Sara Langston

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